Weight
226
Food
12:15pm 4 slices of toast with strawberry jelly
4:00pm grapes
6:30pm 3 chicken soft tacos with nacho cheese
7:30pm 3 mini macaroons
8:30pm 2 chocolate chip cookies
I'm still sort of in disbelief. I feel so disgusted with myself. With my new label. It makes me not want to eat at all, but I know that will kill my metabolism, make me feel like crap, and probably affect my milk supply. I've been reckless with my body-- it's time to take control and be responsible. I feel like I'm walking around with my tail between my legs. I'm ashamed.
I talked briefly to my ex and good friend last night about this, since he's in a similar position. When we were dating, we would have fast food several times a day together, eat out several nights a week, buy tons of sugary snacks from Walmart and binge on them in our dorm rooms. Guzzle 2-liters of Coke. He's still doing it, but doesn't care enough anymore to try to change. I don't eat fast food as often as I did then, but it's not for lack of desire. I want it all the time. When a craving hits me, it's all I can think about. It's even worse on an empty stomach. I think the only thing that stops me most of the time is the hassle it is to get R in his car seat. Pathetic.
I'm starving. There's nothing to eat in the house. I dread what's for dinner.
I have an eating disorder. I ... I can't believe it. I always thought people with eating disorders either starved themselves or threw up everything they ate. I didn't know they could also be people who ate themselves into oblivion. I read this site and it hit me that what I do is an eating disorder.
- Periodically does not exercise control over consumption of food
- Eats an unusually large amount of food at one time -- more than a normal person would eat in the same amount of time.
- Eats much more quickly during binge episodes than during normal eating episodes
- Eats until physically uncomfortable
- Eats large amounts of food even when they are not really hungry
- Usually eats alone during binge eating episodes, in order to avoid discovery of the disorder
- Often eats alone during periods of normal eating, owing to feelings of embarrassment about food
- Feels disgusted, depressed, or guilty after binge eating
Weight
225
Food
1 pepperoni P'Zone
1 order of 5 bread sticks
1 Little Debbie snack cake
10 reduced fat cookies
1 serving of chips and dip
1 big bowl of ice cream
Weight
226
Food
2 10-piece chicken nuggets with barbecue sauce (lunch and dinner)
1 small order of French fries
10 reduced fat cookies
1 Little Debbie snack cake thing
1 bowl of grapes
Chips and dip
Weight
227
Food
Chips and dip times a million
Broccoli and cheddar soup in a sourdough bread bowl
1 piece of a baguette
1 chocolate chip muffin top
1 bowl of chocolate chip ice cream
Today was ... not good. I pretty much binged all day long. Hell, I'm still binging.
Weight
227 (after breakfast and a glass of water)
Food
2 chicken soft tacos with nacho cheese
2 chicken cheese gorditas
1 churro
4 bags of mini chocolate chip muffins
2 bowls of chocolate chip ice cream
1 Coke
2 servings of chips and dip
I didn't exercise today either. I guess the only saving grace with that is that we went to Walmart and I wore R (who weighs over 20 lbs.) in a carrier and walked around the whole store. My stomach is starting to rumble, and I get the feeling I'm going to regret all this eating in a few minutes. At least I'll lose some of it, I guess.
I lost control today.
Weight
227 fully clothed (so I'm guessing 225 actual)
Food
2 slices of cheese pizza
1 Dr. Pepper
2 chocolate chip cookies
1 strawberry smoothies
A tiny bit of chicken and yellow rice
That's 5.5 lbs. weight loss for the week! I can't believe it! I finally exercised last night, but not as much as normal and it was really late, but at least I got to work it in. I wish my eating had been better throughout the week, but I guess I already know that's one area that needs vast improvement. I think once we introduce R to solids, we'll be able to eat healthier because I'm going to be making all of his food. Too bad that's not for a couple months :-/
No weight check this morning because the scale is in my dad's bathroom and I didn't feel like going in there and getting naked and weighing myself.
Food
Too many Doritos and dip
Kid's cheeseburger with just mustard
Too many Reese's Big Cups
More Doritos
I didn't get to do any sort of exercise today either. Ugh. Today was crappy. I don't want to talk about it. Maybe I can use my weights before I go to sleep.
Weight
226.5
Food
7 reduced fat cookies
2 slices of cheese pizza
2 chocolate chip macaroons
7 more cookies
1 root beer
I did my exercise routine again this morning and did about 9 loads of laundry. I didn't get to go walking, but I only got 3 hours of sleep last night, so I guess that's why. My eating was bad today. I had cookies as breakfast around 10am, then nothing until about 6pm when I had pizza and macaroons. Then I took a long nap and had more cookies around midnight. Ugh.
Weight
227.5 :(
Food
4 pieces of toast (2 buttered, 2 strawberry jelly)
7 reduced fat cookies
2 hot dogs with just mustard
2 scoops of chocolate chip ice cream
2 servings of chips and dip
I exercised with the weights, did crunches, and walked a mile while carrying 20-lb. R in a front-carrier. Not too bad for a day, I guess. I was disappointed that my weight went back up. My goal is to lose 5 lbs. a week, so I have a bit more to go for Sunday.
Weight
226
Food
2 Pop Tarts
2 scoops of chocolate chip ice cream
1 serving of a sub
7 reduced fat cookies
2 Butterfingers
2 more scoops of chocolate chip ice cream
1 Coke
I did my exercise routine today with the weights. I also did crunches. I didn't count how many I did of anything-- I just did them until I physically couldn't do them anymore. After I ate the ice cream, I brushed my teeth in hopes it would keep me from wanting to eat. It seems to have worked! After that I decided I wanted some [reduced fat] cookies, but I couldn't bring myself to eat any because I'd brushed my teeth. Dad brought home sub sandwiches from Walmart for dinner-- ham, salami, American cheese, and Romaine lettuce on white bread. It's filling and I don't think it's that bad for you.
I've felt good all day after exercising. I hope I can get back into the routine of it. The weight seems to be coming off a bit, but I suspect it's more because I'd been sick than anything else. Who knows? I'm going to try to take another 2-mile walk once D gets home. I wish I had a bike.
ETA: The walk didn't happen. Nobody could watch R for me, and it's just too cold for me to take him with me. At least I got some exercise in today. I'm anxious to see what my weight will be tomorrow. I'm surprised it's actually going down.
